Day One - Against everything I have thought

This needs to stay anonymous as I am in an anonymous program and insane again. Against everything I think I know, I am trying, yet again, a quick fix! Here is what I know. Since the age of nine, I knew that I did not eat like other people, especially, other little girls. I ate more than my father in the form of large portions. I always wanted to see alot of food on the plate, went back for two or three heaping helpings. One sandwich and an apple with a drink looked PUNY. I was miserable at lunch, even with my two sandwiches, wanting more food and desperately wishing to be like all the other little girls. I imagined them to have nice houses, I knew they had nice clothes, nice long hair, the right height and of course, weight. Boys had crushes on them, passed them little notes. I pretended to be innocent and sweet, as I saw them to be. I envied their lighthearted ignorance of how other children might live, even in their own neighborhoods. Whoa, "rapids ahead", back to the point, I have tried everything to lose weight:
DIETS: No fat, low carb, no carb (my undoing as I grew up on Italian food, family was a bowl of pasta.)
- Lo cal: Everything from Atkins to Scarsdale and my fav, the "flight attendant" diet
- No cal: Anorexia
- Give back cal: Bulimia
- Alka cal: Drink yes, Food no
- High cal: YES, Really. Eat everything you crave, when you crave it and just stop when you are full and you won't want ice cream sundaes EVER AGAIN.
- Paleo: Eat like a caveman
- Candida: Starve your yeast, ewww
- Obsessive Excersize
Ad infinitum, because today I am on day one of the HCG Protocol. I am afraid of doing some sort of damage to internal organs. From reading posts, the liver, gall bladder, etc. I know better, but still choosing worse. It is nothing against the HCG diet. I believe wholeheartedly that it works and can work for me as long as their are no health issues. I just know me. I am unable to look at food as a sane person does. I truly am insane, addicted, if you will, to food. If I think of it in terms of an alcoholic or a drug addict, going on a "diet", sounds ludicrous. It is not possible, so I pretty much believe, to cut back, restrict the amount of alcohol or drugs one takes in. So it is with me regarding food and for that matter dieting. I have not wanted to tell anyone about what I am doing.
Anyway, because I am insane (trying another diet yet again and expecting even better results) I plan on staying on this HCG "project" as long as possible.
As of now, I weigh 187, according to doctors, should be 158-164, yikes, this is the first time I am doing the math, 23-29 lbs need to go. I have done this and in larger amounts many times before. My top weighed weight, post second pregnancy was 261. Will keep track of progress.
Phase 2 of protocol, day 3 of HCG injections, Since this am, chest pain and headache and of course HUNGER. Yes, I binged the two days before, however, I don't think they realize some of us are professionals, like I am immune and needed to binge longer. Ok, that was wishful thinking. Will keep track of progress.
Serious disclaimer, the program works if you work it. I have been choosing not to.